true confessions

I could have put more photographs on here.  But I think a little real-ness goes a long way.  Here you see some of my "mess."  The kitchen drawers were B-A-D.  The laundry room was a D-saster.  If Martha Stewart saw this she would go weak in the knees and vomit.  If Better Homes and Gardens saw this they would grab the red telephone, call in a team of professionals, stage an intervention and "repurpose" my laundry space.  If that guy with the funny name who used to do stuff on Oprah saw this he would break into a cold sweat and recommend lots of baskets and a label machine on steroids. 

But it is just me and my junk, facing off, doing battle.  Eyes locked- who will glance away first and go home defeated?  NOT gonna be me, EL JUNKO!  You are going down!  Case in point, check out these Before and Afters from the kitchen.  I have to say that these are like those B & A diet/workout photos where you KNOW they put the person in a bad color and made them frown and took off all make-up and made them stand facing front with their feet flat on the floor.  Then, like magic, in the second photo, after a month of grueling workouts and eating nothing but gruel, they are happy, oh so happy!  And they are tan and wearing a cute color and smiling and standing at an angle with their hands on their hips.  What a transformation!  But seriously, these drawers make me so happy!  I should have put myself in the first picture, covered with baby spit and a bit of babysnot on my shoulder, haggard face, frizzy hair, sweatpants, wrangling my crying baby.  The second picture I would have mascara and a smile and a cute ruffly 1950s inspired apron, with soft curls framing my face, my hands gently poised at my side. 

TA-DA!  Thanks to my kitchen purge and some drawer organizers from my dear friend IKEA, I was able to transform my drawers into sleek models of efficiency and economy.  Just think of all the time I save by being able to see the exact utensil I need right when I need it.  Bliss. Or close to it, I guess.  And here's drawer number one, up close and personal.

Eat your heart out Marfa!

(Stay tuned for scenes from the Laundry Room.  It is a whole'nother kettle of fish to fry.)

tender buds

Today the freshness of Spring was in the air.  The trees were alive with the cheerful twittering of the birds.  They know that the grip of winter is almost gone.

Delicate lavender crocuses in a lush green patch of clover.

I've been watching this nest all winter.  It was concealed by greenery until the falling leaves of autumn left it bare for us to see.  I wonder if it will hold some feathered mama this Spring; then a few smooth warm eggs, and then hungry gaping mouths crying for nourishment?  You can see the tiny leaves starting to come out on the branches- this year's green lushness, fresh and waiting to burst forth.

A beautiful, reluctant bud, unfurled by the warmth and golden sunlight.  Maybe not trusting that Spring is here to stay. 

babydays

written this past June when Pete was 3 months old...

Already his little head has outgrown my hand.  I stroke it’s downy softness in the waning light of the day.  Already his little self has outgrown the crook of my arm.  Chubby legs protrude, wigglier as the days go by.   I think his eyes may stay blue.  They are piercing in their blueness, fringed by long lashes.  Already he is laughing, smiling and flirting with friendly faces.  He laughs at Daddy tickling his chunky thigh, or brother’s face pressed close to his own.  Today I wiped away a chocolatey kiss that I found on his cheek.  That was another brother’s sweet kiss, a fierce sweet sticky sort of love. “See Baby Pete” he says, with a hard “T” at the end for emphasis.  Seeing means not just with eyes but with a 2- year- old’s smackey kiss.  A little hand pressed on his head.   And I remember when he was just such a baby.  So I try to gather these moments and tuck them deep in my heart.

He wakes just before dawn, needing mama’s milk, and I don’t mind so much.  I flip on the night light and pick him up, squirmy in his crib, settle into our chair and he nurses contentedly.  I look for the first light between the cracks of the blinds.  I listen for that first birdsong, the trilling of dawn to a sleepy world.  I gaze at the soft curve of his cheeks, his nose, his forehead.  All soft and sweet and perfect.  I keep my hand on his head, the one growing so fast and I must stop and gather these moments before they pass.

I lay him back down to sleep, his eyes already shut tightly, his mouth sucking little sweet sucks as if he were still at my breast.  He sighs and I smile and touch him gently on the chest, reassuring him, mama is still here.  It won’t be that long really before the crib that held all my babies is packed away, sold even, and these babydays will be over.  The emotion of that catches in my throat and my eyes well up.  Yes, these days are not easy and I am easily overwhelmed with the needs of my home and my little ones.  But I love them.  These days and these babies.  My oldest who still likes to pretend she’s my baby girl and snuggle as I stroke her hair, who says, “sing to me, mommy” at bedtime.  My oldest boy child who always puts his little hand on my arm when we’re sitting on the couch reading, who cries sometimes if I don’t go in and kiss him goodnight.  My 2 year old who says “hold you” and reaches up his little arms at all the most” inconvenient” times but I can hardly resist; whose chubby hand presses my head down to his kisses at bedtime.  I want to freeze these moments and the love that wells up in gratitude to the True Father of these precious ones. 

But time is inexorable and the days fleet of wing so I must press the soft faces close to mine and beg for these moments to print themselves indelible on my heart.  So when these boys pull away from my kiss or speak words that cut, I can close my eyes and remember the tender baby boys that were and I will love them as fiercely.  And when there are slamming doors and rolling eyes, I will think of that sweet blue eyed baby girl who first called me “mommy” -of all the gathered moments, the sleeping faces, the patter of feet down the hall, the “kiss it better tears”, the laughter and chasing and eyes scrunched in prayer; the things pondered and tucked away that keep my heart tender and brimming with joy.

Be Kind, Rewind

I mainly post this picture because of that dear little baby sitting there grinning at my pile of books that got the boot.   I want you to know that the household purge is in effect. This is also a noteworthy picture because you can see in the foreground an actual VCR.  Yes, folks, that is an electronic device that came before the DVD player and is actually the grandfather of the Blue Ray.  VCR stands for Video Cassette Recorder and the video cassettes were these huge black rectangles containing actual tape that had to be rewound after one watched the movie.  I explain all this for sentimental reasons, so we will never forget how far we've come. 

Yes, we are just now getting rid of our VCR.  What is wrong with us?  Good grief!  We got rid of our videotapes years ago!  I think this VCR became like that weird out of place mole you might have on your arm- you see it but you never really SEE it so you forget it's there and you don't realize that it's pretty dang ugly and needs to be cut off.  Bye Bye VCR.  I think there's really no use for you anylonger.  Well, that sets me to thinking....Possible repurposes for said VCR:

1.  Convert into an EZ bake oven for kids.
2.  Paint it blue and nail it to our house as a mailbox.
3.  Cut it in half, modpodge cute paper onto it and use the pieces as bookends.
4.  Use it for a game, like Elf on the Shelf.  VCR Buddy on the Shelf.  The kids can find it in random places all over the house, like in their closet or under their pillow when they wake up.
5.  Put cheese in it and stick it in under the sink as a mouse trap.  (The mice are another story.)

Well that was a fun exercise in being green and trying for one of the three R's (you know...reduce, re-use, recycle).  I think I'll go with the Run it out to da Trash option.  Unless you want it.  Let me know.